These days you can start from birth by following the Rosemary Ford method, the Baby Whisperer method, even Dr. Spocks handbook. And once the baby years are over you move on to terrible two’s, toddler years, how to inspire pre-school kids, etc. etc. Without any guidance or assistance, parents are often in the dark about what kind of disciplinary tools are available and where to get hold of them.
If you’ve read all the books and memorised all the tips from the Suppernanny, but still find yourself in the middle of the kids room shouting at the top of your voice “Will you please put the Playdoh away, NOW!”, then you might be interested in a training course that teaches positive discipline, or Parent Effectiveness Training.
Renate Kirchner is an expert in the Gordon Technique, a Parent Effectiveness Training program that offers parents the specific communication and conflict resolutions skills it takes to build and maintain an effective relationship with a child, in all circumstances. Renate conducts training seminars in groups, or for individuals in the home environment.
“As a parent, I attended a P.E.T. class in Bonn, learning essential family skills step by step. It proved to be a life-changing experience. I was so impressed with the course and its long-lasting positive effects, that I later decided to share this experience with other parents and trained as a P.E.T. Instructor myself”.
The Gordon technique teaches various techniques such as active listening, I-Messages and uses devices such as the “Six Step Problem Solving Process”. The main thrust of the training is respect for both the parent and child’s needs, and solving problems using non-damaging or threatening behaviour or language, to ensure disciplinary methods do not damage a child’s self-assurance or self-esteem.
Renate has found the training invaluable herself when dealing with her own family issues. “When my son was nine or ten years old, we started to have serious arguments about clothes and our relationship began to suffer. Attending a P.E.T. class as a parent taught me essential communication skills and conflict resolution techniques, which enabled me to approach the situation completely differently. The whole process had a profound effect on how we felt about the issue and each other. We became open to consider different solutions to the problem of which we had not thought before”.
This technique can also work for parents with smaller children. Apparently, it is possible to discuss a situation with a four year old and anticipate a positive outcome for both parties. Kirchner says, “Gordon found that many parents underestimate the capacity of very young children to comprehend I-messages. In his experience most children by the age of two have learned to recognise when parents are accepting or non-accepting, when they like something the child is doing or when they do not”.
The PET course is designed to teach parents communication skills and conflict resolution techniques, “These can be applied to any problems and issues wherever and whenever they occur. The skills learnt on the course can be put into practice immediately and you will notice a long-lasting tangible effect. The Gordon model is universal and can also be applied to any kind of relationship, be it in a partnership or marriage, with family members, friends or even in the workplace” says Renate.
Lucie Ash and Loran Simon took a PET Course with Renate Kirchner in 2007. They have found that it has helped them throughout the developmental stages of their two and a half year old daughter. “After taking the course, we found that we had been taking ownership of Sophia’s problems, running to her aid when she faced frustrations”, says Lucie, “she was becoming dependent on us to fix things for her. By allowing her to “own” her problems, she has become more confident and in turn, needs us less in these situations. That is the general feeling after the training, through the skills learnt, the hands off approach to parenting, allows the confidence and self reliance in the child to grow, therefore dependence on the parents or other peers is greatly diminished”.
Now that their daughter is older Renate has been on hand to offer more age specific advise, and techniques “We’ve taken a couple of refresher courses, dealing with specific issues, as the kids develop”, says Lucie, “the latest issue has been how to deal with sibling rivalry. It has been invaluable for us to have the opportunity to reflect and discuss current issues, with the help of Renate”.
One of the important aspects of the training is not to blame or shame. “I would have felt difficult working with someone who made me feel bad about my parenting methods, and the great thing about Renate is that she doesn’t do that at all, so you feel you can be completely honest with her, “says Loran, “Which helps Renate see where problems are and offer the right advise”.
“As a result of using the PET techniques Sophia seems to be very outgoing, confident and very much in touch with her feelings and Loran and I can work through our own issues so much more positively than ever before” says Lucie.
So if you’re struggling with time-outs, fed up with the naughty stair and have given up on the “just take a deep breath” technique, why not find out more about Gordon Training, it may be just the thing you and your little angels need. Renate is currently offering PET courses in English, here in Germany, and would be happy to organise either one-on-one training in the comfort of your own home, or a place in one of her group training sessions on the following dates:
Nov 28-30 (Friday evening, whole day Saturday and Sunday morning)
and
Dec 5-7 (Friday evening, whole day Saturday and Sunday morning)
For more information about the Gordon Training technique visit: www.gordontraining.com
Contact Renate Kirchner at: renate.kirchner1@gmx.de, Tel. 0228 21 48 65 or 0044 20 8392 1571
Read the full interview with Renate Kirchner here:
